Tuesday, July 29, 2008

ok, so not really day 2

I've already gone back on it, ha!  the idea for more induction, that is.  I'm going to move through the first three rungs of OWL and then see how I'm doing with it.  I want to get to the nut rung, properly, and keep an eye on my overall carbs.  then maybe berries later.  I'm kicking myself anew for ever giving this up in the first place.  

I also just found out about soda sweetened with stevia and was so excited that my eyes almost watered.  can you believe that?!  what a huge weiner I am!  LOL!

Monday, July 28, 2008

1 lb??? day ONE.

so according to my stupid scale, I lost 1 lb this past week.  I SHOULD be stoked to be losing at all, but goddamn...that sucks.  one more week of induction.

so day 1 of 7 of extra induction.  I wish I weren't so impatient.  :(

Sunday, July 27, 2008

day 14

so I can't decide if I should do induction for another week or not.  hrm.  I'll decide after I weigh in tomorrow.

I don't think I'm ready to eat in restaurants yet.  I did it today, and it was stressful.  really hard to pick something for fear of hidden starches and sugars!

anyhoo...still sticking to plan.  :)

Saturday, July 26, 2008

day 13

induction is almost over!  I may do one more week of it.  actually, yes, I WILL do one more week of it.

when I think about OWL, the second week where you can eat more soft cheese?  I wish I could skip that one and go straight to nuts.  it's so rare that I eat any kind of ricotta or cottage cheese that adding that in like I should be stoked that it's back just seems silly.

I'm going to weigh in on sundays from now on, starting next sunday.  but I figured I'd do my measurements today.  I'll be doing them on sundays too, maybe every other one.

ok, so the starting ones:

arm: 15.5
chest: 47
waist: 43
hips: 50
thigh: 28

and now:

arm: 14.5
chest: 45.5
waist: 41
hips: 49.5
thigh: 26.5

considering how I've been exhausted and not exercising enough, I think that's pretty good!  6.5 inches gone!   

the weigh-in waits until monday.  :)

Friday, July 25, 2008

day 12

thank gawd it's the weekend.  that's all I really have to say.  sleep = glorious.

and still on track.  that video is proving helpful.  I probably already said this, but anytime I think "maaaaybe just a taste?", the image pops up in my head, and the urge is GONE.

Thursday, July 24, 2008

day eleven

today, another super, super long day, has also been infected with foot-in-mouth disease. man, I can't believe some of the stuff that has come flying out of my mouth! dumb dumb dumb.

I slept better last night than I had in days, but it just wasn't enough, still. that's a problem. I know, or rather have read, that not sleeping enough can impact weight loss negatively. and I certainly don't want that.

stress is overtaking the family too. my 16 yr old niece, who has always been sweet with a rarely-showing HORRIBLE temper, has suddenly morphed into this nightmareish spoiled brat. it's awful. she's probably going to run away with her boyfriend, who is poison on legs and the root of the worst of the problems. she thinks everyone else in the world is effed up and doesn't know anything but him. it's pretty awful.

still going on track. I am being way more prepared this time around, I have to say. someone give me a goddamn medal!

Wednesday, July 23, 2008

day 10

so yeah, my resolve to go without sweetner today went out the tubes. I really want chocolate today. and it's gonna happen, albeit in a legal, low-carb way.

I'm also in the midst of the longest workday ever. draaaag drag drag. I don't have anything to do right now.

I don't know why I'm craving, actually. maybe it's boredom, maybe I feel like I'm lacking sweetness in my life, which is highly possible. at any rate, actual sugar isn't gonna happen. all I have to do is think of that video and how counterproductive ingesting that stuff would be.

Tuesday, July 22, 2008

day nineee

still on track.  I feel weird today, physically, but not horrible.  I think I'm having a cleansing crisis, my face is breaking out and there is just nothing I'm eating that could be directly causing it.  therefore, I must be dumping toxins.

and the job so far is smooooth!  enjoying.  they GIVE you headphones for your computer so you can listen to music if you want!  it's lurvely!

tomorrow has to be another sweetner-free zone.  I'm not getting cravings in the slightest, i just like to have the odd squeaky-clean day, besides the clean days.  :)

Monday, July 21, 2008

day 8

so.  damn. tired.

at least I'm down 4 lbs this week.

I still feel shitty, but slightly less.

Sunday, July 20, 2008

day 7

I had such a fun day today.  everything was cool, I was in a great mood, having the best day in awhile (save for forgetting to eat for HOURS and getting murderously cranky).

then I saw some video of me, shot today.  that absolutely squashed my good mood and basically ruined my good day.  it was horrifying to see what a behemoth I am, and how my face doesn't even look cute anymore.  so completely discouraging.  I can't even DEAL with it now.  this is WHY I tell my camera-happy family to NOT TAKE PICTURES OF ME OR TAPE ME UNAWARES.  it just trashes my self-worth.  even though I know that's silly and it shouldn't, it DOES all the same.  until I feel  better about myself and I can handle it, keep your cameras, etc, AWAY from me.  WHY can't people respect that?!!!

I'm sure I'll be fine in a few days, but right now, I just want to die.  I hope I can sleep tonight.

Saturday, July 19, 2008

day six

or day sicks.  I feel rotten today.  queasy, had a headache earlier, and I'm just exhausted.  I hope it clears up fast.

I made oopsie rolls, and those are sooo good.  I'm going to make some to put whipped cream in when I'm feeling better!  I figured trying a substitute bread BEFORE I start craving real bread would be a good idea.  less in-between time, I figure.

I think I'm going to go lie down again.  

Friday, July 18, 2008

day 5

I am freaking exhausted today.  I actually don't feel well.  my allergies are acting up, and I think I have to be detoxing from sugar.  still/again.

work was long.  monday's work will be even longer.  the lady who is training me is very sweet, but has a bit of a B.O. problem, which is kind of unfair to the rest of us.

nothing else to say right now.  :)

Thursday, July 17, 2008

day 4

first day back at work!  and so far, so good.  :)

foodwise, everything is cool.  had an americano and an atkins bar, which is as cheaty as I'd like to get.  I don't want to eat artificial chemical sweetners, but until induction is over, that's the only thing I have to slake chocolate cravings.  once I do the math, I can make a flourless chocolate cake with stevia and eggs.  and unsweetened chocolate.  I used to make it all the time when I did atkins before, and it never stalled me.

so yes, I'm basically praying I don't get bored with my food.  ha!

Wednesday, July 16, 2008

day 3

I had romanticized the idea of spending this entire week chilling out and focusing on induction/changing habits, but alas, it was not to be.  I start my new job tomorrow.  which I'm happy and stressed about all at the same time.  the cool thing is that despite being super stressed out about it all, I in no way feel like eating to deal with the stress.  though having to plan lunch in a workplace that is FULL of people on weight watchers is ehhhhhhhh...kinda stressful.  nobody would ever say anything, but that's beside the point.

anyhoo...day three and going strong.  my energy levels are up.  I cleaned up a bit, did a ton of laundry, and went for a nice walk this morning.  I haven't felt motivated to do ANYTHING in ages!  seriously.  garfield had nothing on me, and I'm not so much the stay-at-home-on-my-ass type.  I'd hit a low.  this must be the bounce.

and I'm fricking SAINTLY, food-wise, too.  ;)


Tuesday, July 15, 2008

day two

so far, so good.  I felt a tiny bit smaller today, and measured...one inch off the waist.  I told myself I'd only weigh and measure every couple of weeks, but I couldn't resist!  now to hide the measuring tape.

I'm doing pretty good so far with cravings or lack thereof.  thank goodness.  today I had a decaf americano with xylitol and stevia (vanilla stevia!), and a couple of ounces of cream.  it was SO good.  my sister wanted me to pick her up a coffee, so there was no way I wouldn't.  I grabbed a few advantage bars, for emergency usage, and also because they go well with coffee.  and only have 2 grams of (digestible) carbs each.  I've had half of one.  so my sort-of resolve to not use sweetners in induction fell by the wayside today, but maybe I'll go without again tomorrow.  it's all accountable.

I just need to get the exercise thing more on track.  I was prepared for low energy levels, and I really don't feel that bad.  oh yeah, except the headache which I've had since yesterday.  other than that, the mental fog is clearing, thank jebus.

now if I can just get the "steak and eggs and eggs and steak" song from family guy out of my head, I'll be set!

Monday, July 14, 2008

hellooooo, induction!

I managed to get everything off to a rollicking good start by SLEEPING IN PAST 11!  holy crap.  I haven't slept this late in ages.  I suppose if I hadn't needed the sleep, I would have woken up earlier.

it's eat-properly-and-get-my-supplements-in-order day.  quite a long title for the day, really.  my leg feels better, which means if it's not too hot out, I'll go skating, otherwise I'll go for a walk.  which I might do anyway.

I should have waited and posted at the end of the day when I will probably be saying MUST...HAVE...ICE CREAM!!!  maybe I still will.

time for breakfast.

Sunday, July 13, 2008


well, I had my last day of carbohydrate debauchery.  I'm ready.  ready with heartburn.  fantastic...more motivation to eat properly.  I'm just scared I've managed to put on MORE weight since I had my traumatic weigh-in a few days ago.  will I re-check?  nope...that was quite enough.  two more weeks, starting tomorrow, until I actually do weigh in.  I got some hazelnut butter today, that will be for the next phase.  :)  soooo delicious, no sugar, and 0.5 carb/tablespoon.

more motivation: swollen ankles.  ye gads.  this is motivation to DRINK MORE WATER.  I had SUCH trouble with swollen disgusting ankles last summer.  so I shouldn't be TOO worried about them this summer, they're nowhere near as bad.  but still.  ugh.

I did the huge shop.  I'm ready.  no excuses to eat anything WRONG for at least a few days, heh!  except I did forget to get lettuce!  dammit!  I'll have to see if I still have some.  stupid salad greens.  I must remember to measure out all veggies.

ok, so I keep putting off the inevitable, by which I mean measurements.  so I may as well get to it now.  all in inches...mercy!

arm: 15.5 
chest: 47
waist: 43
hips:  50
thigh: 28

it's CRAZY to me that one thigh is as big as my waist used to be.  holy hannah.  it really does creep up on you.  or does on me, anyway.  yeesh.

so there we go.  all the ugly numbers, up for whoever comes across this blog to see.  I hope the motivation sticks (and I'm aware it's my choice, but man...behaviour is a toughie to change!).

Friday, July 11, 2008


I'm trying NOT to just think "235 lbs" in huge, neon, flashing numbers everytime I look in the mirror, or feel like it's going across my forehead, marquee style, when I'm out in public.  my my, don't we have issues, hmm?

I'm actually excited to start induction again on monday.  not so excited to do the huge grocery shop, however.  less excited to be committed to frequent cooking when it's going to be Oh So Very Hot in my neck of the woods as well.  but I'll do it.  I've done it before, I'll do it again this time.

also, my right knee is giving me problems again.  I hope lessening some weight on it helps.

and the "eating what I can't after monday" thing is proving interesting.  I tried a brownie batter blizzard.  ugh.  the cherry oreo mcflurry I had a few days ago was not anywhere near as good as I'd remembered them being.  I'm realizing I don't feel all that great after drinking pop.  so maybe this is a good thing.  and hopefully if I start being wracked with coke cravings after a couple of days on the diet, I can go back and read this and remember that it wasn't all THAT great.

Tuesday, July 8, 2008

holy CRAP.

a few days ago, I made the informed, unified (with my sister) decision to go back on atkins.  I wasn't going to weigh myself, just measure, and not have to face up to what months worth of eating sugary crap (more like punishing myself with it) and not exercising due to tendon injuries has really, truly done to me.

I should have waited until july 14, official day 1, to weigh myself, but given that I just started my period and my weight should be at its awful highest, I figure "why not just do it today while I'm already miserable?"  hahaha!  so I did.

while it was 15 lbs less than I'd feared, I'm definitely at my heaviest.

235 lbs at 5'7".  I thought it was bad when I weighed in at 197.  yeesh.  the measurements, I'll do on monday morning.

so there we go.  tendons, apologies in advance, but I WILL be using you.  goodbye flour, rice, etc, we've had quite the run, but you not only seem to make me fat, you truly do upset my stomach.  milk, it's been fun, but not fun enough.  bread, crackers...happy trails.  sugar, I will miss you most of all.

that's the preamble.  having it all down on e-paper is something else I've never done before, like I couldn't own what I'd done to myself.  but I can this time.  :)

hilariously, I went to change my calendar today (yeah, I'm slow on the draw) and this month's image is a pinup girl...standing on a scale.  it's a SIGN, man.

so yeah!  let's do this.  first big goal weight is the one I reached last time on atkins before my uncle passed away, sending me into a tailspin of medicating my emotions with food.

gay ticker time: