finally got brave...ish.

I got on the scale yesterday morning. ye gads. I know I've lost a bit of weight since giving sugar and grains the ol' heave ho, but I'm still up almost 15 lbs from my what...two months of carbauchery?! goddamn! at least I stopped it before I gained ALL of the weight I'd lost. I'm so mad at myself though. it took me 10 months to lose 32 or so lbs, and 2 months to gain half of it back. shocking.

I'm still being good foodwise. I think I just need to look at it from a health perspective and just do occasional weighing. and, as I say repeatedly, exercise more.

anyway! I'll check in more often. hope everyone's doing wonderfully well. :)

boop boop

yesterday, my sister and I blew off almost an entire day of work (save for maybe an hour) to go to the beach. this particular beach is secluded, so in my current fear of public bathing suit scrutiny state, I was in favour of it. trouble is, it's at the bottom of a rather large cliff. then there's the barnacles, but that's another story. anyhow, for the first while, it was glorious! the water is super salty, so you're buoyant to the point where even your feet want to spring out of the water. and there wasn't a soul around, except for literally dozens of eagles circling overhead.

at first.

first, a couple of boats moored themselves not too far away. ok, fine, I thought, I can't make out their faces so I don't really care. then some climbers came. THEN the huge fracas from the coast guard. two helicopters, the hovercraft (going at unearthly speeds), AND the coast guard boat. we thought someone must have been reported missing, and my sister's town is pretty small, so she was worried it was someone she knows. it turns out they were looking for a fugitive, who happens to be her friend's stepson (though she hadn't been in touch with him much for years), and apparently he's wanted on suspicion of murder! ugh, the whole thing just makes me feel ill, apparently the case is pretty big news, and pretty gruesome.

anyhow.

everything is peachy keen on the food front, at least. :)

interesting thing this time around. generally, I'm a late night eater. since re-starting LC, I'm pretty disinterested in food later, and genuinely don't feel hungry at all after dinner. thank goodness. I was getting good at eating late again. :)

I'm still not exercising enough, and getting annoyed. I don't know why I seem to think it's soooooo difficult to get the time in when I have NOTHING but spare time lately. pffft. my sister has a wii fit, and talk about fun. I wish I had one!

anyhow...here's a little something that I thought was kinda funny! so cute.

ok, really back. day one yet again!

heh.

I'm finally back on it. last time I tried to go back, it was with resistance for some stupid reason, like I hadn't gained back enough weight yet or something equally idiotic. but I feel accepting and better. I'm tired of retaining all this water.

my sister was given a huge package of homemade beef jerky (she's back on the wagon too, so my in-person support system is back, yay!) and gave me some. pretty excited about that. I'm thisclose to buying a dehydrator, I think it would be nice to be able to make some nice jerky.

our last bout of the season was this saturday. I've been depressed which = me being super lazy and eating starch, so this was a shock to the system to be skating and generally being in motion so much in one day. most of it on concrete. which isn't good. anyway, was I SORE when I got up on sunday! must do more skating and get back on it. anyway, the bout was good, setup was a breeze, everything was cool. I feel like I'm losing my passion for it though, and that freaks me out. we're due for a month-long break, and I hope that it'll rejuvenate me. ESPECIALLY since it'll start being cooler in our practice spaces!

so yeah, there it is. back on it. I'm thinking I want to lean more on the primal side of things, but the important thing is that I'm back. :)

*knock...knock...knock*

helloooooo? *crickets*

I'm not dead, but I've been stumbling, big time, and feeling a combination of shame and total un-wanting of accountability. sigh. I wasn't getting the results I used to get with low-carb, and was just frustrated and feeling like there wasn't any sweetness or gratification in any area of my life, so something, unfortunately, had to give. I hadn't realized I was feeling deprived. now to work thorough all that.

I'll update more often now! hope everyone's well and doing less dietary damage to themselves than I have been as of late. this is no excuse, but we've had an INSANE heat wave here, and (and I have no idea why) when I feel sick from the heat, a bit of sugar helped. gah! the wave is now over though. time to at least start picking up the pieces. I'm not eating crap at every meal, and am really feeling the extent of the degree to which grains ruin my life. so that's something to take from it, I guess. babble babble babble or what?

I'm also confused about a guy, but that's not news...they generally confuse me. I thought I'd have it figured out by this time, but nooooo.

oh well, whatever! trying to work on getting better habits back. and to not make excuses. I effed up. oops! I need to start being better. at least I'm doing better than going an entire year without even trying. right? :)